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I must say that this is my first ever blog attempt, and I’m just not sure what to think about it all. Although I’ve always somewhat had a gift for gab, I have a strong and deep appreciation for concise wording. And the older I get, the stronger those feelings grow. Which probably leads me into my turmoil and angst over this new adventure called blogging. I hope for these things: one, you enjoy, laugh, and wrestle over the thoughts. Two, you get to know me a little better – and I you, if you reply. Three, the Lord is honored.
I found myself this week fighting a set of feelings. You do that too right? Fighting. Your insides want to do one thing, but your mind and soul tell you another. Growing up as a kid, I always thought I was too small as a boy to get into fights. I never found myself in the center of swinging fists and rolls in the dirt. Steve Turpentine threatened me in the fourth grade (I have no idea over what) and the showdown was to occur at recess. But to my relief, he changed his mind. I was going to pull the “swing like crazy , close your eyes, and jump all around” – the Tasmanian devil approach. As awkward and unrefined as Elaine’s dancing on Seinfield. Maybe it’s because I was pretty much a people pleaser. Maybe cause pain never seemed worth the offense or issue at stake. Not sure. However, I’ve learned in life that the fight over my feelings is one battle I have to engage and should never walk away from. And whether it’s a pretty fight or not, I just can’t afford to do nothing. My feelings don’t always have my best in mind, and will destroy me if unchecked.
So, to be specific, I found myself at our staff retreat for two full days of “talking.” Well, really, we felt (others on staff felt it more than me – catch my bad attitude here?) the need to refocus and revision on who we are as a community, as leaders, and all the Lord was wanting to do through us. Deep in me, I knew it was really needed and required. Yet, it was two days away from my family, comfy surroundings, and plans.
As we got started that morning out at Camp Tejas, Chris suggested just a few minutes alone for everyone. To just get along, “dump” on the Lord in prayer, and ask for renewed hearts. Chris said the words, but we all felt it on our tongues as well. It was an absolutely gorgeous morning; couldn’t have been painted any better. It was quiet and still. I knew then and there I had to allow the Lord to sweep through my mind and let these ill feelings of mine take a punch in the mouth. Thank Him that He does just as He promises – to renew our minds and hearts.
But here’s the point I’m reminded of too. Bill Hybels coined the phrase “vision leaks.” And it’s so true! We loose our focus and our intent. Just because we see a plan and path today doesn’t mean we’ll be following in it tomorrow. The day to day just erodes the things from our view that are really important. Our callings seem to be held in leaky cups. Do you sense the same? So, those two days shouted to me how desperately I needed to come back to His purposes and callings for my life, my wife, my kids, my church. They slip away from me and I don’t even realize it. I am so blessed to have some folks in my life to bring me through it. May I be willing to keep coming back to His designs. Thank you Jesus for your patience. |
